Starting a New Relationship – A Way Ahead

Starting a new relationship is a real challenge. There are things you may want or tend to hold on to that have happened in past relationships, making it hard to consider moving onto a new relationship. There are things you can do to help push the past where it belongs, in the past, and move towards a new relationship, but a little relationship advice can be helpful.

Firstly when starting a new relationship it is important to settle the past. This can be done in different ways, depending on your confidence and preference. You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist, or you might just need to get rid of “stuff” from previous relationships.

No matter what it is that works for you, the most important part of this process is for you to understand what happened in the past and be prepared to let it go before you start looking for a new relationship. It is unhelpful to you and any other person for you to have emotional baggage when going into a new relationship; it just sets you up for probable failure later on in the relationship.

Secondly realise and accept that you and only you are making the choice to get into a new relationship. No-one should ever be allowed to force you into a relationship before you are ready. Their intentions may be good, but it is not a good idea to start a new relationship unless you have made the decision yourself to do so and feel motivated and energised towards a new situation. Relationship advice is often less helpful when you have only been out of your relationship a short time as your emotions may be soft and impressionable. You will know when you are ready to start a new chapter in your life and then the choice will be yours and yours alone.

The next step is accepting that there really are great people everywhere, people who will help you achieve your needs. Your last relationship may have been with someone you thought was “great,” but it is important to leave that in the past and focus on the fact that there are fantastic people waiting to meet you. Always have your expectations and desires for your new relationship clear in your mind, and go to places where you feel you can be yourself and look for the person who will become your new relationship.

When you find someone you may want to get into a new relationship with, pay attention to his/her overall behaviour. Are they easygoing, is their life full of drama, are they attentive, forgetful, do they relate to your needs and opinions, can you talk easily with them and they with you. Don’t forget everyone’s behaviour at the beginning of a relationship is far better than once it is established. So base your judgements on the quality and depth of their conversation as well as whether they make you feel comfortable and good about yourself.

It is always useful to consider how they fit in with your friends and family. When they meet are they comfortable around them, and are you comfortable around their friends and family.

The most important message for you when deciding whether a new relationship is for you is to listen to your instinct, what does your ‘belly’ say, and what does your ‘self doubter’ say. If both are positive then go for it. These are never wrong. As much as people want to dismiss it, your instinct never fails. If you feeling a new relationship is right, then it probably is the right thing for you at that point in your life. If you feel something is uncertain then something is missing. It really will not always be that simple, nothing in life ever is, however it is important to know what you are feeling and take it from there.

Forming a new relationship must be something you control from your decision to seek one until you decide to let one happen and progress. Not all new relationships need be for life, decide what you want and take your time.

The time spent enjoying the journey can result in you having the Time of Your Life

“Dating Yourself” Will Enable You to Develop a Successful Intimate Relationship in a Shorter Time

If you date, and date and date – why doesn’t it lead to a successful intimate relationship?

* If you are single and active on the dating scene trying to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimate relationship finding yourself failing time and again, is it possible that your failures are attributed to something you think, feel or do that you yourself are not aware of?

* If you have been on the dating scene for quite a long time now, developed a brilliant profile, enrolled on different internet sites, chatted with others and dated them, and still haven’t been able to extend dates to a meaningful relationship, has it ever occurred to you that something in you – rather than in them – makes it impossible for you to succeed in cultivating a satisfying bond?

* If you are dissatisfied; tired from dating; exhausted from repeating ” the story of your life” over and over again to yet another ” potential partner”, have you ever contemplated what will be an efficient to getting hold on what withholds you from developing the relationship you so much desire?

* If by now you have spent hours, days, weeks and months (maybe even years) looking for a partner with whom to have a good relationship, and you feel that “time is running out” and that all your efforts are in vain -

Then:

Wouldn’t it make sense that you use your time effectively by “taking yourself on a date” -getting to realize the ways in which you sabotage your relationships, learn how to stop it and become empowered to develop a satisfying bond?

You need to date yourself first in order to develop a successful intimate relationship

At times it is difficult for us to objectively see how we shoot ourselves in the foot in relationships. We think we know “who we are”; we think we know how to behave in a relationship; we think we know how to charm others and make them “fall in love” with us; we think we have great qualities which will make others really happy with us.

If this is an honest picture of you too -

then why are you still alone? Why aren’t you capable of having a truly successful intimate relationship?

The simple answer is:

Because you don’t really know “who you are”; you don’t actually see how you shoot yourself in the foot; you don’t understand how you sabotage your relationships and you are not aware of a host of factors which exert power over you and drive you to sabotage your attempts at developing the relationship you desire.

Therefore,

You need to “Take yourself on a long date”

You need to get to know and understand yourself better. You need to get in touch, realize and acknowledge:

* Your attitudes and belief-system which might stand in your way from developing a good relationship;

* Those traits in you that you have denied and rejected until now which make your interactions with partners problematic and difficult (such as: being jealous, aggressive, stingy, all-knowing);

* The needs that exert power over your reactions and behaviors (such as the need for control, the need to receive endless attention which cause you to suffocate others);

* The fears that control you and prevent you from having a healthy relationship (such as the fear of commitment; the fear of being alone – which drives you to jump in with whomever show slight interest in you; the fear of being hurt which keeps you cautious and detached, and so on);

*The messages you internalized while growing up which make you interact in counter-productive ways (such as ” never trust anybody”; “one must sacrifice oneself in order to have a relationship”; ” never tell your partner everything”; “those who truly love you will do everything that you ask them to”);

* The unrealistic expectations you have from partners and relationships (such as expecting your partner to read your mind; expecting your partner to be there for you unconditionally);

* The unrealistic fantasies about partners and relationships you hold on to (such as “My partner will supply all my needs”; “upon coming home we’ll always spend the entire evening together”) which, when not met, make you frustrated, disappointed, and bitter about partners and relationships;

* And many other factors like these which exert power over your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and drive you to sabotage your attempts – time and again – to cultivate a successful relationship;

“Taking yourself on a date” is a prerequisite to successfully dating others and extending a date into a meaningful relationship

If you haven’t been aware of the factors outlined above until now – either because you have never taken the time to get to know yourself better or were afraid to – taking yourself on a long date and becoming aware of the many ways in which you have sabotaged your attempts at relationships until now is a key to your future success at being able to extend a date into a meaningful relationship.

In the long term, the time you’ll dedicate to dating yourself will prove to be much shorter than the time you spent going on endless dates and prove to be more effective in empowering you to finally find and develop the relationship you desire.

Healthy Relationships – How to Develop Them

There are many people whose preference is to have healthy, happy relationships with the people in their lives… whether they are parent-child relationships, marriage or love relationships, family relationships, friendships, or even relationships with work colleagues. Building healthy relationships is a normal and natural desire. In fact, healthy relationships are a vital aspect of mental health, and general health and wellness. So what do we need to know about building and maintaining healthy relationships?

Let us define some of the qualities of healthy relationships:

  • Each person takes responsibility for their own needs
  • You can easily discuss conflict and differences, without blame
  • The relationship is important to each person involved
  • Each person communicates openly and honestly
  • Abuse is absent — this includes physical, verbal, or emotional abuse
  • Each person has healthy boundaries — can say “no” to requests without feelings of guilt

Certainly, it is important for each party in a relationship to understand, and be able to practice these aspects when interacting with others. It is my belief, however, that the key to healthy relationships is found, first, in our interactions with our Self, with our Inner Being.

What is your relationship like with your Inner Being?

  • Are you in conflict with yourself?
  • Do you ever heap blame on yourself?
  • Do you get angry or frustrated with yourself?
  • Is your relationship with your Inner Being important to you?
  • Do you communicate openly and honestly with your Inner Being?
  • Do you abuse yourself…with thoughts, or words?
  • Can you follow your inner guidance without feeling guilt?

If your relationship with your Inner Being is not a healthy one, then keeping up a healthy relationship with others in your life could be challenging for you. The relationship you have with your Inner Being is the most important relationship you will ever have… and every other relationship is a reflection (in some way) of that most intimate, inner one.

Do you ever feel angry or frustrated with yourself, or blame and criticize yourself? Your Inner Being never argues with you, or blames you, or gets angry or frustrated or disappointed with you… your Inner Being always beams pure, positive, love energy to you — without exception. If you blame or criticize yourself, then you are in conflict with your Inner Being — and you feel that tension through negative emotions.

Do you value your relationship with your Inner Being? Is it important to you to feel good, and feel happy? When you value your relationship with your Inner Being, then you make every effort you can to feel happy, and to focus your attention on thoughts that feel good when you think them.

Do you communicate honestly and openly with your Inner Being? This is as easy as tuning in to your emotions. Your emotions give you feedback about your relationship with your Inner Being…when you feel positive, happy emotions, then you are in tune with your Inner Being. Negative emotions show that you are thinking of something that does not agree with what your Inner Being knows.

Do you take time to nurture your relationship with your Inner Being? Do you nurture and soothe yourself? There are many ways you can nurture your spirit…you can meditate or listen to soothing music. You can also nurture yourself by thinking of someone you love, or taking a warm bath, or by taking a walk, or by just giving yourself permission to chill…just for a moment.

Do you abuse yourself with thoughts or words? It always feels good to receive support and encouragement from others…but we can also be supportive and encouraging toward ourselves. This can mean not asking or demanding too much of ourselves in time and effort — by realizing that you don’t have to do whatever-it-is this minute. We can applaud our efforts, and focus on what we did right (and not what went wrong).

Can you follow your Inner Guidance without feeling guilty? Do you trust your emotions and your ‘gut’ feelings? I have noticed that when I follow my ‘gut’ feelings and trust my emotions, my path always leads to new and improved experiences — I feel inspired, and creative, and passionate, and alive.

So…what is your relationship like with your Inner Being?

If you make the effort to improve your relationship with your Inner Being, and make it a healthy one, then every other relationship in your experience will also improve, and you will enjoy healthy relationships.